Disclosure: Please enjoy this first piece in The Beacon’s Comedy & Satire Series.
Chief Officer of Disinformation
This is Lee Wihit with the Lee Wihit Report from The Bacon. I’ve just received exclusive intel from a whistleblower in the School of Nursing about a new form of teaching being brought to Merrimack this semester. If you happen to experience food poisoning this semester from campus dining, don’t worry! It is part of the Nursing School’s new initiative to give students real world experience in dealing with a public health crisis. All cases of food poisoning are being conducted under the watchful eyes of the School of Health Sciences, so no long term effects should occur. All students affected will receive compensation in the form of access to Hamel Health Center’s services.