Disclosure: Please enjoy this piece in The Beacon’s Comedy & Satire Series
Lee Wihit
Chief Officer of Disinformation
This is Lee Wihit with the Lee Wihit Report from The Bacon. I’ve always known there was something fishy going on with the KiwiBots around Merrimack College. My team and I set up surveillance for the past few months to oversee the habits of the food delivery robots to make sure everything was fine.
While going through our footage and listening to accounts by students which have overflowed our inbox we have seen and heard numerous accounts of the KiwiBots causing mayhem around campus. Some of these accounts include the robots running over students, stealing and stowing students belongings in them, and chasing Merri, the Merrimack College Police Department’s comfort dog around campus.
No students, faculty, or pups are safe with these unpredictable robots roaming around campus. We need to take immediate action and find a replacement food delivery service that does not cause havoc around our campus.
